Kiss Me Deadly...

I met her in the wake,
of a pitch black night.
She was a tiny flake of gold,
traveling carelessly
at the speed of sight,
as she passed me, a bright light,
against the colorless sky.

Quickly,I tore from a tree,
a twig and a dried out piece of bark.
With my improvised quill,
and my sheet of parchment,
I scratched out a map of sorts,
found a way to follow her through the void.
Before I had another thought,
my heart still racing,
I knew she was mine for evermore.


The following eve I returned.
To the blind spot where last she was.
She was not there.
Not then, not 'nother 'leven nights.
Still, I returned time after time.

Until in the silence of my senses.
I felt her glow, I saw her sound,
I heard her vision.
Engulfed...I could not think.

It Was she, the Emerald Empress,
the Woman of Yellow Ore.
the Queen of a million shades.
With an invisible gesture,
She beckoned me.

I knew to taste her fast.
Like a ray of light,
I traveled through the prism,
her solid multi-faceted wall of glass,
to her other side, her rainbow arch.
Now the half cut array of colors
was no longer half,
but a full circle of lights.
Together we were one.

It barely started,
by the time it ended!
But it lasted,
an eternal measure of time.

Like the evil that festers,
In the skipped beat of a heart.
I am, I was the lightning
that burned, burns the sky.
The thunder,
that shook, shakes the night.
I was, I am. A mushroom cloud of doom.
Like the love that lives
in every beat of a heart
I was. I am. An orgasmic blast,
That seeds the egg
That is a birth.
I am, A gentle breeze,
The Sun at night,
A bright sky of eternal peace.

Still, it was not,
is not over yet.
Before she left, leaves,
the dark temptress of my desire
Graced, graces me with, a passionate,
breathless, Kiss.
A touch of all, her eternal lips on mine.

The mistress of the forest,
not with a bang,
but with a whimper!
Left,
Stayed,
Took,
and is still with me,
that fateful once,
that moment of eternity.

Adorned me,
Knights me,
with
a single kiss,
just a kiss,
Perfect!

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday to me!!! I don't feel any older though.

Back in service

Hey all, I'm back in service and trying to swim back to the surface of life's deep sea quagmire.

The last time I posted I mentioned someone I met and I ended spending a bunch of time trying to nurture a relationship with her. Well, it didn't work out, but we seem to have agreed a friendship is where we should be.

I'm still up in the Ithaca area doing landscaping again this year. I plan to move to South Carolina this November. My ability to keep my life organized is still all screwed up though. I managed to lose my privilege to drive until the end of July. The biggest consequence of this is, I'm back to being a hermit again.

I just updated my ISP to DSL from dialup so maybe I'll have enough time now to actually stay in contact with more people now.

Word Of The Day

The Word of the Day for February 25 is:

scintilla • \sin-TILL-uh\ • noun • Latin

• A minute amount; an iota or trace.
• A spark; a flash.

Example sentence:
After the witness's frank and bruising testimony, neither my brother nor I was left with a scintilla of doubt that the defendant was guilty.

Did you know?
"Scintilla" comes directly from Latin, where it carries the meaning of "spark" — that is, a bright flash such as you might see from a burning ember. In English, however, our use of "scintilla" is restricted to the figurative sense of "spark" — a hint or trace of something that barely suggests its presence. The Latin "scintilla" is related to the verb "scintillare," which means "to sparkle" and is responsible for our verb "scintillate" ("to sparkle or gleam," literally or figuratively). In an odd twist, "scintilla" underwent a transposition of the "c" and the "t" (a linguistic phenomenon known as metathesis) to create the Vulgar Latin form "stincilla," which is believed to be an ancestor of our word "stencil."

Catching up

It's been a while since I've posted anything, because, well, life got interesting.

For those that don't know I've been plowing snow this winter. We just got hit with a doozy of a storm. I finally got some sleep last night. We got 32 inches of snow in a 24 hour period. I have been doing snow removal for the last three days with about 5 hours sleep total. Oh boy, I never new how much fun sleep deprivation could be. Just about everything from the last three days feels dream like and very surreal.

Including, I've met a new friend...
Well, we haven't actually met yet, just talk a lot online. Maybe we will never meet, but I'd like to. There is some kind of pull, her words, between us. I couldn't figure out how to put it into words. I was even inspired to write a poem about it. I haven't been inspired to write poetry in over 15 years. She knows I'm only looking for friendship right now. I've told her that I'm not ready for anything more than that and that I don't know when I will be ready. She makes me wonder what the future might be. Thinking about her always puts a smile on my face. It feels really good to smile again. It may never go beyond friendship and the nice thing is I'm ok with that. At least I know I will have another really good friend.

What else is up, the temps here have been hovering between zero and 20 degrees f for well over a month now and the water lines in my cabin keep freezing up on me. Luckily all the lines now are made of materials that won't burst from freezing. I had to replace the last one that wasn't flexible enough last month when it burst on me. Life in a small cabin deep in the woods is interesting to say the least.

I think I finally broke out of hermit mode, or rather life forced me to when I was having vehicle trouble last month. So far I'm managing to stay out of it too. I might even get to visit with my chosen brother soon, I can't wait to see him, it's been far too long. He lives over 350 miles from me. He's got a girl friend that lives about an hour drive from me though and he will have some free time for us to get together soon.

I guess that's about it for now.

I'll get back to putting up a word of the day too, I hope.
Peace

I have a new friend

Is it a dream...
Do I dare still wish...
What if, ah what if...

Thoughts come again...
It gives me a fright...
Could it be, will it be right...

I long for a touch...
I long for embrace...
I'm in a strange place...

What to do, do I do...
Where will it go...
I don't know, I don't know...

What does life really mean...
It feels, oh god, so good again...
Can it possibly, will it possibly begin

Only time really knows...
For now just let it be...
I will have to wait and see...

What the future will be...

~ Smulch

On The Edge

Standing
on the edge
of the mind

looking
thinking
wondering

looking
at the craters
of disillusionment

thinking
of the losses
that were endured

wondering
how long it will
take to break free

hearing
touching
feeling

hearing
the echoes
of friends gone

touching
the memories
buried deep within

feelings
replaced by
blessed numbness

bliss
in ignorance
by and of so many

looking away
not really wanting
to see anything any longer

and welcomed
is the new partner
or rather... a welcome back

'aloneliness'
we walked before
alone ... yet together

~ GoddessOfTheDawn

Word Of The Day

The Word of the Day for February 07 is:

parsimonious \par-suh-MOH-nee-us\ adjective

1 : frugal to the point of stinginess
: sparing, restrained
: Ungenerously or pettily reluctant to spend money

Example sentence:
My parsimonious brother refuses to buy the candy his daughter sells as a school fund raiser because he thinks it is overpriced.

Did you know?
English isn't stingy when it comes to synonyms of "parsimonious." "Stingy," "close," "penurious," and "miserly" are a few terms that, like "parsimonious," suggest an unwillingness to share with others. "Stingy" implies a marked lack of generosity, whereas "close" suggests keeping a tight grip on one's money and possessions. "Penurious" implies frugality that gives an appearance of actual poverty, and "miserly" suggests avariciousness and a morbid pleasure in hoarding. "Parsimonious" usually suggests an extreme frugality that borders on stinginess.

Word Of The Day

The Word of the Day for February 05 is:

concinnity \kun-SIH-nuh-tee\ noun

1. Harmony in the arrangement or inter arrangement of     parts with respect to a whole.
2. Studied elegance and facility in style of expression:
“He has what one character calls ‘the gifts of concinnity and concision,’ that deft swipe with a phrase that can be so devastating in children” (Elizabeth Ward).
3. An instance of harmonious arrangement or studied elegance and facility.

Example sentence:
Julia maintains that no modern play can rival the concinnity of the classical Greek tragedies.

Did you know?
The Romans apparently found perfect harmony in a well-mixed drink. The cocktail in question was a beverage they called "cinnus," and so agreeably concordant did they find it that its name apparently inspired the formation of "concinnare," a verb meaning "to place fitly together." "Concinnare" gave rise to "concinnus," meaning "skillfully put together," which in turn fermented into "concinnitas." English speakers added the word to our mix in the 1500s as "concinnity."

Looking

Looking past
the dark corners
of the mind
into black depths
of what once
was a soul
~
one finds shreds
of memories
a touch here
a look there
somethings buried
forgotten, on purpose
~
and then there's
that look
that peek
into the empty
out of the blue
just being there
~
can you see it
without looking
can you hear it
without sound
can you feel it
without touching
~
have you
known me
all this time
were you hiding
from me or am I
hiding from you
~
and
are we
succeeding
in being
without
expecting
~
or
are we
bleeding
for being
who we are
without wanting to

Vehicle Breakdown

Just writing a quick note to say I'm doing fine and am still around. I had my vehicle breakdown last week and it's still not fixed. I've been staying at a friends house who is a mechanic and we are trying to get the beast fixed.

Hopefully we can figure it out soon so I can get back to my own house.

Hope everyone is safe and happy!

Word Of The Day

The Word of the Day for January 17 is:

consanguineous \kahn-san-GWIN-ee-us\ adjective

: of the same blood or origin; specifically : descended from the same ancestor

Example sentence:
Brent hadn't believed that the man who claimed to be his long-lost cousin was telling the truth, but the documents proved that the two men were consanguineous.

Did you know?
"Consanguineous" is part of a family of "blood" relatives that all descend from the Latin noun "sanguis," meaning "blood." Some of these relatives are found on the literal branch of the family tree, as "exsanguination," a term for the draining or removal of blood. Others are on the figurative side of the family, such as "sanguine," a word that can mean "bloodred" or "ruddy" but that is more often used with the meaning "cheerful" or "optimistic." There is also "sangfroid," a French word (literally meaning "cold blood") that was borrowed into English to refer to self-control under stress. "Consanguineous" relies on the "kinship" sense of "blood," bringing together "sanguis" with the Latin prefix "con-," meaning "with," to form a word used to describe two or more organisms that descend from the same ancestor.

Word Of The Day

The Word of the Day for January 16, 2007 is:

perceptible • \per-SEP-tuh-bul\ • adjective • french

: capable of being perceived especially by the senses

Example Sentence:
The smell of onions in the kitchen was barely perceptible to me, but Laura found it overwhelmingly pungent.

Did you know?
If something is "perceptible," you can "capture" it with your senses. "Perceptible" traces back to the Latin word "capere," which means "to take," combined with the prefix "per-," which means "thoroughly." It shares the "capere" part of its ancestry with a number of other English words related to seizing or being seized, including "capture," "captor," "captivate," and even "catch."

Smulch's Note: The above is according to Merriam-Webster, My research dug up the following; Late Latin translation of perceptible is perceptibilis or to perceive. Modern translation of perceptible is percipere or to break it down like they did, the "per" prefix, which in modern Latin means throughout or thoroughly, and the base word of "cipere" is to receive, welcome, or take in.
The Modern definition of percipere is; To lay hold of, seize, to collect, gather, harvest, gain, with the senses, to feel mentally, to learn, grasp, understand.

The only place I can link perceptible to percapere is Merriam-Webster.

Man In The Mirror

When you get all you want and you struggle for self,
and the world makes you king for a day,
then go to the mirror and look at yourself
and see what that man has to say.
For it isn't your mother, your father or wife
whose judgment upon you must pass,
but the man, whose verdict counts most in your life
is the one staring back from the glass.
He's the fellow to please,
never mind all the rest.
For he's with you right to the end,
and you've passed your most difficult test
if the man in the glass is your friend.
You can fool the whole world,
down the highway of years,
and take pats on the back as you pass.
But your final reward will be heartache and tears
if you've cheated the man in the glass.
~Anonymous

Word Of The Day

The Word of the Day for January 15, 2007 is:

amuse-bouche • \AH-mooz-BOOSH\ • noun • French
: a small complimentary appetizer offered at some restaurants

Example Sentence:
"Meals start with a complimentary amuse-bouche and basket of bread with a ramekin of herb butter." (Linda Bladholm, The Miami Herald, November 30, 2006)

Did you know?
In French, "amuse bouche" means literally "it amuses the mouth." The French were using "amuse-bouche" as a word for appetizers when English speakers embraced the culinary term almost a quarter of a century ago. The French are more likely to use their term "amuse-geule" for those tasty tidbits, however; and in English "amuse-bouche" has a special meaning. It's not just any appetizer! Typically, it's a tiny complimentary one that seems to have taxed the creative powers of the chef to the utmost for the amusement of the diners (e.g., a tiny beet-puree-filled taco; a tiny square of halibut-and-salmon cake; fig molasses on a tiny cube of goat cheese).

Hermit

I'm stuck in hermit mode and don't really want to be here.
I have no drive to get out and do anything.
I want to, but just can't seem to get there.

A friend temporized that maybe I'm hiding from fear of pain inflicted by the world.
Maybe
If that's the case, and you didn't want to be a hermit, how would you change it?
Any other people out there get stuck in hermit mode and don't like it?
How do you cope with it? What do you do to get out of it?

New Look

ok I like the new look but I'm biased, I created it.
What do think is it to hard to read now?
Any other thoughts on it?

The Key?

as he
closes
the windows

he wonders
where she is
what she's doing

where is she
now that he
needs her so bad

now that
all the tears
are unstoppable

now that
the pain has
cut so very deep

there's no
way to stop
the hurting now

his eyes
and cheeks
wet with tears

his heart
and dark soul
hurting so much

his mind
longing for
her consolation

his body
longing for
her soft, caring touch

his heart
longing for
her soothing words

just needing
to know that
things will be ok

now that all
has crumbled
fallen down fast

to expose
that inner core
damaged so badly

by other
hurts before
that were hidden

yet here
he stands
on his own again

with every
closing of
a new window

files
pictures
conversations

she gets
deleted
erased, wiped

from the
computer
hard drive

now how
does he
delete her

from
his soul
his heart

if only
he knew
the key, the how

~GoddessOfTheDawn

Limbo

Sitting here in Limbo
Waiting for the tide turn.
Yeah, now, sitting here in Limbo,
So many things I've got to learn.
Meanwhile, they're putting up a resistance,
But I know that my faith will lead me on.

Sitting here in Limbo
Waiting for the dice to roll.
Yeah, now, sitting here in Limbo,
Still got some time to search my soul.
Meanwhile, they're putting up a resistance,
But I know that my faith will lead me on.

I don't know where life will take me,
But I know where I have been.
I don't know what life will show me,
But I know what I have seen.
Tried my hand at love and friendship,
That is past and gone.
And now it's time to move along.

Sitting here in Limbo
Like a bird ain't got a song.
Yeah, I'm sitting here in Limbo
And I know it won't be long
'Til I make my getaway, now.
Meanwhile, they're putting up a resistance,
But I know that my faith will lead me on.

~Jimmy Cliff

Moments

"Life is not measured
by the number
of breaths we take
but by the places
and moments
that take our breath away"
~anonymous

Normal?

So, just what is 'Normal'?

What do we usually mean by 'Normal'?

By most peoples definition it means that he or she is like everyone else, behaves as most people behave, and stays within current conventions.
Psychologists state that it is; Free from any mental disorder; sane.

I've often said, "The only people who truly scare me are the ones that say they are normal."

I don't know about most people, but I don't want to be like, or act like current conventions. I don't want to be 'Normal'.

More and more I am seeing current conventions change into a behavior pattern that just freaks me out. I've spent a bunch if time since the advent of the internet on many different chat rooms and email lists on subjects ranging from NASCAR to religion to sex to blacksmithing. I can't even count the number of times I've seen rudeness, belligerence, crassness, effrontery, blame and flaming on these forums that I had to give them up.

It was said that it happened on the internet because of anonymity, because of being disconnected to the person you are speaking to and that most of the time it started through a simple misunderstanding due to the one dimensional nature of words written in this medium. OK, I sort of understand that. So why did it become 'Normal' to disagree with someone by calling them a dirt sucking Nazi warthog fagot!

So why is it happening more and more with the actual spoken word on the street and in the house now? Little by little I've seen this prevalence creep into everyday communication by people on the streets in real life. It became so 'Normal' for people to flame anything they disagreed with on the internet that the behavior didn't take very long at all to jump into real life person to person communication.

Over the last eight years my willingness to share anything about my thoughts has diminished to the point where it scares the bloody hell out me to give my point of view or opinion on any subject anymore. I used to be told that I could put into words what other people could only conceptualize. That I could talk a starving dog off a meat wagon. And most of all that I had the ability to listen to and understand what other people were saying to me.

Not any more, I don't like talking to other people about anything meaningful unless I know them very well and feel safe with them. I've been told I'm NOT 'Normal' because I could communicate feelings and thoughts in depth, with compassion, understanding and empathy for differences in people and their opinion. I've been told I must be a sissy or mama's boy to be able to talk about emotions.

It's taken me a while now to understand something about myself and why I've been so depressed lately. I don't like not being able to communicate. It feels like I have mental constipation all the time.

So if being able to give my opinions, and feelings openly and honestly with compassion and understanding of differences means I'm not normal, then I don't want to be normal. This blog is my attempt to create a safe place for me to do that.

I welcome others thoughts, opinions, feelings, criticisms and even disagreements. I don't welcome any flaming judgmentalism, it will be deleted.

So how do you feel about 'Normality'? Why?

What does 'Normal' mean to you?

Do you think you are 'Normal'? Why?

Do you want to be 'Normal'?

Where To Begin

"Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending."
~ Carl Bard

Enough

Something that passed across my desk today and I needed to put it out, put it up and wish it to my family and friends.

********************************************************************

• I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
• I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
• I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
• I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.
• I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
• I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you posses.
• I wish you enough hellos to get you through the good-byes.

********************************************************************

All Blogged Up!

OK, so this is my first post in my first blog. Wouldn't you know it, I can't use my Opera browser for some reason. The post text box isn't active for some reason. If anyone stumbling on this post can give me any ideas on this I'd appreciate it.

So what is the purpose of the labels at the bottom of each post?

Well now, here I am trying to figure out just what I'm going to post here.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

There, that should do it for my first post.