Looking

Looking past
the dark corners
of the mind
into black depths
of what once
was a soul
~
one finds shreds
of memories
a touch here
a look there
somethings buried
forgotten, on purpose
~
and then there's
that look
that peek
into the empty
out of the blue
just being there
~
can you see it
without looking
can you hear it
without sound
can you feel it
without touching
~
have you
known me
all this time
were you hiding
from me or am I
hiding from you
~
and
are we
succeeding
in being
without
expecting
~
or
are we
bleeding
for being
who we are
without wanting to

Vehicle Breakdown

Just writing a quick note to say I'm doing fine and am still around. I had my vehicle breakdown last week and it's still not fixed. I've been staying at a friends house who is a mechanic and we are trying to get the beast fixed.

Hopefully we can figure it out soon so I can get back to my own house.

Hope everyone is safe and happy!

Word Of The Day

The Word of the Day for January 17 is:

consanguineous \kahn-san-GWIN-ee-us\ adjective

: of the same blood or origin; specifically : descended from the same ancestor

Example sentence:
Brent hadn't believed that the man who claimed to be his long-lost cousin was telling the truth, but the documents proved that the two men were consanguineous.

Did you know?
"Consanguineous" is part of a family of "blood" relatives that all descend from the Latin noun "sanguis," meaning "blood." Some of these relatives are found on the literal branch of the family tree, as "exsanguination," a term for the draining or removal of blood. Others are on the figurative side of the family, such as "sanguine," a word that can mean "bloodred" or "ruddy" but that is more often used with the meaning "cheerful" or "optimistic." There is also "sangfroid," a French word (literally meaning "cold blood") that was borrowed into English to refer to self-control under stress. "Consanguineous" relies on the "kinship" sense of "blood," bringing together "sanguis" with the Latin prefix "con-," meaning "with," to form a word used to describe two or more organisms that descend from the same ancestor.

Word Of The Day

The Word of the Day for January 16, 2007 is:

perceptible • \per-SEP-tuh-bul\ • adjective • french

: capable of being perceived especially by the senses

Example Sentence:
The smell of onions in the kitchen was barely perceptible to me, but Laura found it overwhelmingly pungent.

Did you know?
If something is "perceptible," you can "capture" it with your senses. "Perceptible" traces back to the Latin word "capere," which means "to take," combined with the prefix "per-," which means "thoroughly." It shares the "capere" part of its ancestry with a number of other English words related to seizing or being seized, including "capture," "captor," "captivate," and even "catch."

Smulch's Note: The above is according to Merriam-Webster, My research dug up the following; Late Latin translation of perceptible is perceptibilis or to perceive. Modern translation of perceptible is percipere or to break it down like they did, the "per" prefix, which in modern Latin means throughout or thoroughly, and the base word of "cipere" is to receive, welcome, or take in.
The Modern definition of percipere is; To lay hold of, seize, to collect, gather, harvest, gain, with the senses, to feel mentally, to learn, grasp, understand.

The only place I can link perceptible to percapere is Merriam-Webster.

Man In The Mirror

When you get all you want and you struggle for self,
and the world makes you king for a day,
then go to the mirror and look at yourself
and see what that man has to say.
For it isn't your mother, your father or wife
whose judgment upon you must pass,
but the man, whose verdict counts most in your life
is the one staring back from the glass.
He's the fellow to please,
never mind all the rest.
For he's with you right to the end,
and you've passed your most difficult test
if the man in the glass is your friend.
You can fool the whole world,
down the highway of years,
and take pats on the back as you pass.
But your final reward will be heartache and tears
if you've cheated the man in the glass.
~Anonymous

Word Of The Day

The Word of the Day for January 15, 2007 is:

amuse-bouche • \AH-mooz-BOOSH\ • noun • French
: a small complimentary appetizer offered at some restaurants

Example Sentence:
"Meals start with a complimentary amuse-bouche and basket of bread with a ramekin of herb butter." (Linda Bladholm, The Miami Herald, November 30, 2006)

Did you know?
In French, "amuse bouche" means literally "it amuses the mouth." The French were using "amuse-bouche" as a word for appetizers when English speakers embraced the culinary term almost a quarter of a century ago. The French are more likely to use their term "amuse-geule" for those tasty tidbits, however; and in English "amuse-bouche" has a special meaning. It's not just any appetizer! Typically, it's a tiny complimentary one that seems to have taxed the creative powers of the chef to the utmost for the amusement of the diners (e.g., a tiny beet-puree-filled taco; a tiny square of halibut-and-salmon cake; fig molasses on a tiny cube of goat cheese).

Hermit

I'm stuck in hermit mode and don't really want to be here.
I have no drive to get out and do anything.
I want to, but just can't seem to get there.

A friend temporized that maybe I'm hiding from fear of pain inflicted by the world.
Maybe
If that's the case, and you didn't want to be a hermit, how would you change it?
Any other people out there get stuck in hermit mode and don't like it?
How do you cope with it? What do you do to get out of it?

New Look

ok I like the new look but I'm biased, I created it.
What do think is it to hard to read now?
Any other thoughts on it?

The Key?

as he
closes
the windows

he wonders
where she is
what she's doing

where is she
now that he
needs her so bad

now that
all the tears
are unstoppable

now that
the pain has
cut so very deep

there's no
way to stop
the hurting now

his eyes
and cheeks
wet with tears

his heart
and dark soul
hurting so much

his mind
longing for
her consolation

his body
longing for
her soft, caring touch

his heart
longing for
her soothing words

just needing
to know that
things will be ok

now that all
has crumbled
fallen down fast

to expose
that inner core
damaged so badly

by other
hurts before
that were hidden

yet here
he stands
on his own again

with every
closing of
a new window

files
pictures
conversations

she gets
deleted
erased, wiped

from the
computer
hard drive

now how
does he
delete her

from
his soul
his heart

if only
he knew
the key, the how

~GoddessOfTheDawn

Limbo

Sitting here in Limbo
Waiting for the tide turn.
Yeah, now, sitting here in Limbo,
So many things I've got to learn.
Meanwhile, they're putting up a resistance,
But I know that my faith will lead me on.

Sitting here in Limbo
Waiting for the dice to roll.
Yeah, now, sitting here in Limbo,
Still got some time to search my soul.
Meanwhile, they're putting up a resistance,
But I know that my faith will lead me on.

I don't know where life will take me,
But I know where I have been.
I don't know what life will show me,
But I know what I have seen.
Tried my hand at love and friendship,
That is past and gone.
And now it's time to move along.

Sitting here in Limbo
Like a bird ain't got a song.
Yeah, I'm sitting here in Limbo
And I know it won't be long
'Til I make my getaway, now.
Meanwhile, they're putting up a resistance,
But I know that my faith will lead me on.

~Jimmy Cliff

Moments

"Life is not measured
by the number
of breaths we take
but by the places
and moments
that take our breath away"
~anonymous

Normal?

So, just what is 'Normal'?

What do we usually mean by 'Normal'?

By most peoples definition it means that he or she is like everyone else, behaves as most people behave, and stays within current conventions.
Psychologists state that it is; Free from any mental disorder; sane.

I've often said, "The only people who truly scare me are the ones that say they are normal."

I don't know about most people, but I don't want to be like, or act like current conventions. I don't want to be 'Normal'.

More and more I am seeing current conventions change into a behavior pattern that just freaks me out. I've spent a bunch if time since the advent of the internet on many different chat rooms and email lists on subjects ranging from NASCAR to religion to sex to blacksmithing. I can't even count the number of times I've seen rudeness, belligerence, crassness, effrontery, blame and flaming on these forums that I had to give them up.

It was said that it happened on the internet because of anonymity, because of being disconnected to the person you are speaking to and that most of the time it started through a simple misunderstanding due to the one dimensional nature of words written in this medium. OK, I sort of understand that. So why did it become 'Normal' to disagree with someone by calling them a dirt sucking Nazi warthog fagot!

So why is it happening more and more with the actual spoken word on the street and in the house now? Little by little I've seen this prevalence creep into everyday communication by people on the streets in real life. It became so 'Normal' for people to flame anything they disagreed with on the internet that the behavior didn't take very long at all to jump into real life person to person communication.

Over the last eight years my willingness to share anything about my thoughts has diminished to the point where it scares the bloody hell out me to give my point of view or opinion on any subject anymore. I used to be told that I could put into words what other people could only conceptualize. That I could talk a starving dog off a meat wagon. And most of all that I had the ability to listen to and understand what other people were saying to me.

Not any more, I don't like talking to other people about anything meaningful unless I know them very well and feel safe with them. I've been told I'm NOT 'Normal' because I could communicate feelings and thoughts in depth, with compassion, understanding and empathy for differences in people and their opinion. I've been told I must be a sissy or mama's boy to be able to talk about emotions.

It's taken me a while now to understand something about myself and why I've been so depressed lately. I don't like not being able to communicate. It feels like I have mental constipation all the time.

So if being able to give my opinions, and feelings openly and honestly with compassion and understanding of differences means I'm not normal, then I don't want to be normal. This blog is my attempt to create a safe place for me to do that.

I welcome others thoughts, opinions, feelings, criticisms and even disagreements. I don't welcome any flaming judgmentalism, it will be deleted.

So how do you feel about 'Normality'? Why?

What does 'Normal' mean to you?

Do you think you are 'Normal'? Why?

Do you want to be 'Normal'?

Where To Begin

"Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending."
~ Carl Bard

Enough

Something that passed across my desk today and I needed to put it out, put it up and wish it to my family and friends.

********************************************************************

• I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
• I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
• I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
• I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.
• I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
• I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you posses.
• I wish you enough hellos to get you through the good-byes.

********************************************************************

All Blogged Up!

OK, so this is my first post in my first blog. Wouldn't you know it, I can't use my Opera browser for some reason. The post text box isn't active for some reason. If anyone stumbling on this post can give me any ideas on this I'd appreciate it.

So what is the purpose of the labels at the bottom of each post?

Well now, here I am trying to figure out just what I'm going to post here.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

There, that should do it for my first post.